I had a full month of April although maybe not in a way that can be measured.
Working from home at something you really believe in is a wonderful thing, and I know that I have been given a great chance which I am trying to not to fuck up. But working alone — although all these “characters” with whom I’m spending the time mean I’m alone only in body — has given rise to some interesting challenges. For example, I don’t have anyone with whom to chat during the day. Oh, I sometimes Skype with my friend Lynn (and would be very happy to Skype with more friends and family, hint, hint) but it’s not the same thing as sharing gossip and goals with office mates. I miss that, very much.
I actually missed it at my second-to-last job at the theatre. I think it’s one of the reasons why the company parted company with me – that important sense of warm camaraderie with a lot of my colleagues, that sense that we’re all part of a team, all the time really never developed properly (although it was there, at times, with all of them, and almost always with a couple of them). And when you move on to something else, which physically cuts you off from like-minded people in the same way I was sometimes psychically cut off, you feel that aloneness even more.
On the other hand, I like being responsible to myself for myself. Sometimes I fail at that responsibility and just don’t do the things I think I’m going to but… Well, we’ll see how it all turns out come the end of this month of May. Assuming I stay on schedule.
And to help me do that, I have Kimmie. Or, rather, I have Kimmie’s message on my voice mail which I have saved and re-played several times. Now first of all, I don’t know Kimmie. In her message, Kimmie sounds like she’s about 12, not just the timbre of her voice but the giggling and the emphasis on words that would be a little different, I think, in someone a little older.
Kimmie obviously thought she’d reached a friend’s phone because the call did not start with “Hello” but instead with a heart-warming “Bee-yotch!” Apparently Bee-yotch had missed a fabulous time last night but she, Kimmie, said she hoped they would see each other the next day at another friend’s house. And then, my favourite part, Kimmie signed off with “Gotta go! Remember! You! Are! Fabulous!”
Thanks, Kimmie. I think you’re pretty cool, too. And I hope you & your friend, Bee-yotch, managed to hook up at that party alright. And I hope that you laughed a lot when you finally figure out you called someone else and told her she was fabulous. Because that’s a message we all need to hear every now and again. I know that in this instance it was a message that wasn’t meant for me, but I’m still going to run with it. I’m going to remember that I have done a lot of great things in my life. I have met a lot of goals, made some cool stuff happen, and gathered a really nice group of friends in my life. Those are good things, admirable things. Not everything in my life has been gold-plated of course but I’m thinking right now about those things that are.
So, yes, I’m going with fabulous. I am fabulous. You are fabulous too. You have worked hard and played hard, you’ve loved and cared and been compassionate. You have developed skills and interests, and you’ve made a difference. You! Are! Fabulous!
And that’s a great thing.